Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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