I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
