the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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