so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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