Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
