My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
