come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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