You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
