you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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