I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
