Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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