Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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