Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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