Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
