Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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