i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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