Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
