If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
