His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
