Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
