my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
