I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
