Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
