I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
