During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
