life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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