She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
