I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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