Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
