Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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