I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
