I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
