someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
