I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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