Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this hospital has no fireball
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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