no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
