Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
