also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
