I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
