A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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