I'm eating all of the evidence.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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