I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
