I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I won the penis lottery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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