Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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