just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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