If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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