I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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