Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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