I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just pee around me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
