do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
